I, Julian Clary, have done for mincing what Michael Flatley did for Irish dancing.

But has the bottom fallen out of the homosexual meat market? I must tour my kingdom to find out…

In these difficult times I feel I should go and comfort my people in the provinces. My friend Damien tells me the men are very hard up in Sheffield. I only hope I'm not too late. I'm 50. The shame of it.

This will be an intimate evening – a celebration, no less, of my twenty-five years in the camp spotlight: how I got there and why I refuse to leave. Come and see me before they put me in a home for tired old knackers.

"JULIAN CLARY CAMPS IT UP LIKE A GANG OF BROWNIES ON A SAUSAGE SIZZLE"   Sunday Mail

Dress code is smart but casual, although the usual rules about corduroy trousers still apply.